I love Alan with every fiber in my being and know that I know I want him as my husband, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had some anxiety about getting married. It has never been about whether or not I picked the right guy. At least I know I’ve done that right. That said, the wedding and what people expect from a couple has given me anxiety.
It’s silly to me that Alan and I got criticized for getting engaged “too young” and are now getting criticized for taking “too long” to get married. Alan and I have been focused on different things and we are only now focusing on planning this damn wedding.
We got engaged two years ago. I was 23 years old. People were so surprised that I would make such a serious commitment at such a young age. That was probably because they assumed I would immediately get married. That was my original plan. Alan (my fiancée) and I have been together since we were 20 and have known each other since we were 15. Getting engaged at 23 didn’t seem too fast. Now that we are looking to get married Spring of 2018 I know it definitely isn’t fast.
Now, I’m glad we didn’t jump straight into a wedding. All my fears are rooted in me having no idea how to plan a big event like a wedding. I’ve never even planned a birthday party before. This wouldn’t be that stressful if I could hire a wedding planner, but do you have any idea how much money that costs? WAY TOO MUCH! I’m kind of on my own. Alan and our families would gladly help. Unfortunately, they don’t know how to plan this kind of thing either.
People Expect Everything Planned Immediately
Literally (and I don’t mean that figuratively) on the day that Alan proposed people started to ask when the wedding was. I kept having the same thought: ‘how the hell would I know?’. Seriously, people expect you to have everything planned out immediately. It has taken us two years just to get serious about planning it. Weddings take forever to plan and it’s just insane to expect a couple to have all the answers right away. Whenever people see me or my parents now, we are asked when the weddings is or if it will actually happen. I just want people to let us figure everything out at our own pace. Trust me we: will get married. It will just be on our own schedule.
No Clear Vision
I’ve never been the kind of girl who fantasized about her wedding and planned every detail as a kid. I know it’s going to be an incredibly important day, but that doesn’t mean I have a clear vision. I just know I want it to celebrate my relationship with Alan and our lives together. Does that mean we should have purple table clothes? Maybe red is a better color? How does one actually pick wedding colors? I mean that isn’t that important of a detail, but you see my point.
Also, being in an interracial relationship has never been an issue until now. Okay, it really isn’t an issue. Alan’s family primarily speaks Spanish and my family and I only speak English. It does add a complication as much as I hate to admit it. Let’s take the vows for instance. We both would love to write our own vows, but then one side of the family would miss out on what is said. After many talks I think we’ve settled on doing traditional vows in a combination of English and Spanish so everyone can appreciate our vows. It is also a nice representation of our lives intermingling. We are trying to figure out how to mix traditions from both of our cultures and make one cohesive event.
One of the main reasons we haven’t started planning before is because of the cost. Immediately after we got engaged I was super excited to plan our wedding and started trying to find a venue. Surprisingly, to no one but me, everything was super expensive. I started to believe there was no way we could afford getting married. It is quite overwhelming how expensive weddings are, but I feel like Alan and I are finally able to face it.
I think it’s natural to be hesitant to spend so much money for an event that will last a few hours. Surely there are better things we could do with all that money. Ultimately we decided that hosting a wedding is important and worth the money. Because we will spend as little as possible while still having a beautiful wedding. We will make it happen.